I have not forgotten about you!!! I have been working on stuff every day. New videos, Post, Pictures. Always trying to be creating these days, and its an amazing feeling. My head is so alive with ideas (OK i think that’s the weed but what ever it keeps me motivated.) I do need to get better with actually documenting here what i am doing. For example yesterday me and Liam Filmed a “LootCrate Unboxing video” this am i eddied it and it’s currently being uploaded. Been posting to Instagram at least twice a day (on good days) and at least once most days. I am still new to all this. Learning Adobe has been easy i guess.? The coding takes more brain power than I have most days so that is slowing me down a lot. Yesterday got my fall guide for college classes. really think im going to do it. Im going back to school! unfortunately im more Rodney Dangerfield and less Adam Sandler….. wait no that is the Better Option anyways. So i want to take a edditing class and a video production class this fall and im thinking coding in the winter. Its a huge comitment for me with Lando and all but a rolling stone gaters no moss right. Just Keep Swimming! Thank you for sticking with me. It has beem a fun ride and we really havent even started yet! im excited for where this is going. and i want to thank you all for the motivation and encuregment.
“Can a man change the stars?”
“Yes William. If he believes enough, a man can do anything!”
I cant control much in this life. I Cant change how people treat me how they judge me, see me, or even trust me. The only thing i can change is how I choose to respond to such things.
“If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. … We need not wait to see what others do.”
These words have always moved me to better myself. At times its so hard for me to follow through. Get up on time, Do what i need to do, adulting. Adulting is hard, i have known idea what I am doing. Dose anyone? How do these people do it. It’s a struggle every day just to get 4 kids up and ready to school. I should get an award for the fact i have yet to kill one yet (from not knowing what Im doing or for dealing with their shit.) I think a lot of the struggle comes from my own childhood. I know, I know, “Sigmund Freud’s psychoanalytic theory of personality argues that human behavior is the result of the interactions among three component parts of the mind: the id, ego, and superego.” There is also the whole nature vs nurture thing. Truth is i had a shitty child hood. Parents were jackasses (They tried so i got to give them that) and do to drugs and continuing cycles my own personal hell was created. That is not what this is about….today. This story has everything to Changing that. I have tried so hard to change my world. I have succeeded and failed many times on this journey. Two steps forward and one step back but i keep going. My kids have a life i never had. In all ways better and in their own ways its rough. Were poor. We make due but were always living hand to mouth. Even tho i dropped out in the ninth grade and i got my G.E.D in 2006 and worked my ass of to build what i have. I got married Had 2 kids and started working a steady job. 2 steps forward, Then in 08 life sucked. Lost my job like every one else. My wife decided to leave me, one step back. I pulled my self back from a dark place. Wife came back with twins. Took on two more kids. moved to Oregon. Two steps forward. Wife decides she’s done with me again and this time it sticks. I move back to cali. One step backwards, See the pattern. Now i am not complaining, just telling a story. Giving you a peek behind the keys if you will. The long story short, We can only change who we are. Every day i wake up and try to do better than the last. New struggles, old problems they will always be there, we can’t change it. So stop trying. One thing that i found that helps is a line from an Alice Cooper song.
All of my life was a laugh and a joke
And a drink and a smoke
And then I passed out on the floor
Again and again and again and again and again
With a smile and a joke, I manage to get by. I try so hard not to take life Serious. Kids are annoying, the customer is always an Asshole and the only two things you can count on is death and taxes. So why let it get to you. Tomorrow we get to try again. Life is what YOU make it so why not let it be Rainbows and lollipops. No I’m not saying if something sucks get over it. You have every right to feel, that’s what makes us who we are. What I am trying to say is It will get better as long as you keep moving forward.
Wow i have no idea what that is. I never know whats going to come out when i sit down here. i am not going to edit it. It is what it is. so if you agree or not let me know. please i need some Critiques. I have never written before so any notes are welcome. Thanks for taking some time and reading the ramblings of an idiot.
I let procrastination win. I gave my self an excuse and I ran with it. I am sorry. No i am not apologizing to you, the reader, but to myself. I did not start this for you (but thank you for reading it) I started this to see if i could make my self do something. With Lando home from school, it was a logical excuse to forgive my self for not doing the work. Just sitting in front of the computer and forcing my self to write something today. Making this a habit. Small steps in a long journey.
last two days i have made myself follow a schedule. first get the kids up. if the alarm wakes me up, and not Lando, then my day starts at 7 am. After kids are out the door i start my house work. Should be about 10 am now and I let my self play some games (Ark is life.) Around 11/11:30 i go on a walk. take pictures and see what i can just create. today i got to see Turtles, a lot of turtles in the lake next to my house. it was cool to see. Now its lunch time. Around 1 in the afternoon i will sit here and just see what comes out. This gives me a solid hr to do something before Liam and Lando get home a little after two. After that its in the hands of the gods.
So the lesson i learned? STOP MAKING EXCUSES and DO THE WORK!
I’m not dead….yet! Hello all sorry for the radio silence last few days, well the week really. Lando is out of school for spring brake. This kid is a hand full. He returns to school Monday so look forward to more things from me then. In the meantime check out the YouTube channel. This week I learned to play “FortNite” and warning I’m not very good. “Remember to smash that like button and Subscribe if you haven’t.” There am i a real Tuber now. Well that is short and sweet. In till we meet Again!
Well hello, is it me your looking for? The weekends get tough, all the kids are home. So On top of that Lando is home from school all week. That being said my productivity is going to take a nose dive. I’m not stopping, ill try to keep the blog updated. That is so important to me. I force my self daily to sit down and see what happens. So far its been really rewording getting this all out there. I have never written anything before. So please bare with me while i find my voice. I have always been in love with the poets and authors who paint such beautiful descriptions with there word. Neil Gaiman, Joe Hill, Shane Koyczan, Kurt Vonnegut to name a few. These men are Mount Rushmore of wordsmiths. Every day these men remind me of my love of words. These daily writing exercises are My way of practicing. The journey might be long but if i keep it up it will be more than worth it.
So taking steps to grow is hard. I keep wanting to get into old habits. I really don’t know how to fight this just yet. I just sit down and force my self to wright. Never knowing what will come out of this, just letting the words flow. Yesterday i started a book called “The War of Art” by Steven Pressfield and wow. The first few pages felt like he was talking right to me. Now i know every one probably will feel that way, and that is why i am HIGHLY recommending the book. Nowhere near finished with it and i cant help to read the rest.
Book recommendations aside, I have been busy-ish. Have not gotten anywhere on the video editing. I expect to get on that once the kids are back in school (curse you Spring Brake!). In the mean time i am continuing with the online lessons and developing my skills. Been a long time since i put my nose to the grindstone. Wish me luck cause my son just woke up and it is now time to start my day.